How couple therapy can fix a love story. Prince William and his wife Kate Middleton are no more spared than others by the wear of love feelings. But solutions exist to clarify the relationship and ease tensions.
Couples Therapy Can Fix a Love Story
What are we talking about?
Kate Middleton and Prince William would follow a couple therapies, according to the website Radar Online.com. A trip in celibacy of the prince to Verbier in March was the trigger. The heir to the British crown was surprised by the tabloids, who were spending time in a disco with a charming company, while the rest of his family was present at the official festivities of Commonwealth Day. His wife would not have forgiven him.
On April 29, 2011, Prince William and long-time girlfriend Kate Middleton became husband and wife in front of viewers around the world. Since then, the spouses are smiling and united on all occasions. But if one believes the English tabloids, which report rumors of unfaithfulness on the part of the prince, their union would beat the wing. The everyday life, princely as it is, with its routine and its family obligations, would not spare the couple more than another.
The myth of the ideal couple
“Love lasts three years,” wrote Frederic Beigbeder. A pessimistic vision, certainly, but we must admit that maintaining the flame is a real challenge. Even a lure. As Professor Francesco Bianchi-Demichelli, head of psychosomatic gynecology and sexual medicine consultation at Geneva University Hospitals (HUG), explains, the worst mistake is to stick to the myth of the ideal couple. “In other words, to the illusion of a true triumph of love. This myth is necessarily dangerous, since it is practically not feasible. It excludes from the outset the possibility of conflicts, major disagreements and undesirable manifestations such as mistrust or aggression. The result is a whole series of false compromises, half-measures or second-best. For example,
And the longer we wait to start a relationship, the more the risk of disillusionment increases: people who have long been alone have become accustomed to living as they wish and are struggling to make concessions. “Many people try to change the other to behave according to their desires, while it would be better to try to adapt,” continues Francesco Bianchi-Demichelli. The unacceptability of difference can then be very destructive. Typically, one partner blames the other for refusing to talk about his emotions, while the other simply does not feel the need. The French sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann, writer and research director at the National Center for Scientific Research, speaks, himself,Agitations, the small wars of the couple , published by Armand Colin in 2007). Thus, the bedroom, living room, kitchen and bathroom become places of confrontation where everyone tries to impose its mode of operation.
However, there are solutions. As a couple therapy, which can be helpful when partners are no longer able to communicate. According to the psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Serge Hefez, author of the bestseller The dance of the couple(Hachette, 2002), it is necessary to consult when everyone sees only the problems that the other one causes to him and that the hope that the things change has almost disappeared. But what to choose between therapy and couple psychotherapy, marriage counseling and marriage counseling? “In practice, there is no difference between these terms. What changes is the training of the professional. But this criterion must not determine the choice. The important thing is to find someone who is right for them, “says Benoit Reverdin, director of the Protestant Marriage and Family Services Office. As its name suggests, couples are paired: everyone is supposed to commit to doing their best, the goal being to find solutions together. If one of the partners feels that this goal is not shared, he can undertake individual work. The counselor or therapist will then focus on the difficulties of the person rather than those of the couple.
Finally, there are two other options: mediation and sex therapy. Mediation, in principle reserved for couples who have embarked on the path of separation or who seriously consider it, makes it possible to organize the future more serenely. Sex therapy, it, helps couples facing a purely physical problem.
The sexuality in question
The chemistry of love at first sight
Many neuroscientists have focused on explaining love. According to the research of the doctor and sexologist Francesco Bianchi-Demichelli, love would be born unconsciously long before we realized it. A fifth of a second would be enough for the dozen brain areas involved to be activated. Other chemicals produced by the body come into play. For example, pheromones secreted by the exocrine glands exert an influence on sexual attraction. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter belonging to the category of catecholamines and produced by the hypothalamus, induces a feeling of reward and thus helps to reinforce the motivation and the abstract pleasure (that which one feels while listening to music, for example). Together,
“Some therapists do not focus on the issue of sexuality. Personally, I think it’s important to address it, because it’s very often part of the problem. But this aspect is sometimes relegated to the background. It also happens that we discover a sexual problem during therapy. In any case, the choice of the type of therapy should depend on the couple’s perception of the nature of their problems, “explains Francesco Bianchi-Demichelli. The frequency of sessions also depends on the needs of patients. “It’s important that the flow goes on with the therapist,” he continues. Studies have clearly shown that the approach, the experience and the tools used are less important to the success of the approach than the quality of the link. ”
The techniques used are, in addition to the dialogue with the therapist, role plays and some practical exercises. For example, Prince William was advised to “make gentle gestures in public”. Effective? Without a doubt. But separation is not always avoidable: paradoxically, it happens that the therapeutic approach is considered by the couple as a success, while it has dedicated its break. This is the case when the partners leave for the better, instead of staying together for the worse.
If the passion is exhausted, it is the fault with oxytocin
In the body, oxytocin officiates like a love potion: the shortness of the relations would be linked to a diminution of its secretion. This hormone made up of nine amino acids is synthesized by the hypothalamus and released by the posterior part of the pituitary in response to numerous stimuli: orgasm, uterine contractions of the delivery, the production of breast milk … His name comes from the Greek and means “fast delivery”. Oxytocin plays a role in sexual desire and pleasure, loving attachment, maternal behavior, self-confidence, empathy, generosity, and probably many other things related to sociability and The well-being. In particular, it would have an effect on the perception of the couple’s problems and the quality of the conjugal bond.
Studies conducted in Florida in 2011 and in Sweden in 2012 demonstrated that oxytocin production was a factor of sexual fidelity in rats. In fact, field voles form stable pairs, while their congeners living in the mountains live in sexual promiscuity. In the latter, however, there has been an absence of oxytocin receptors, the first of which are provided in abundance. By blocking these receptors in field rats, we obtain the flight behavior observed in mountain rats.
Other hormones would be involved in feeling and loving behavior. Secreted at the time of orgasm in both men and women, vasotocin appeared a hundred million years ago in fish and promote the latter reproductive behavior by reducing instinctive fear of females. to be approached during ovulation. Recent studies suggest that therapeutic applications are possible in humans, for example in the treatment of autism and social phobias.